Children Involved in Domestic Violence With Parents

                                                              

My thoughts on this issue....
I believe children witnessing domestic violence are at risk for being harmed. When it comes to smaller children, they tend to be at risk because they are unable to move out of the way when their caregiver become physically aggressive. This does not me that in all cases of domestic violence that the adults are physically violent with one another, but physical violence is very common among other things like financial control and isolation. School aged kids are more aware of what is going on and can respond verbally when they notice one caregiver yelling at another, hitting or threatening to hit the other parent. School aged children  tend to  say things like "don't do that"  or will respond by crying. I have noticed in cases where there are children 10-17 in the home witnessing domestic violence they intervene or attempt to stop one parent from harming the other. There are also time where they will call 911 or get another adult involved.  I am concerned about children intervening and being involved in domestic violence regardless of their age, they are all vulnerable  and can be harmed as a result.  I have also noticed that in some domestic violence cases I have had that some children and begin to be targeted by physical aggression  because they have in the past tried to stop the aggressive parent.  There are also times when the child is being used to assert power, control and violence towards the other caregiver. Children should never be put in a position where they have to intervene or be forced to become involved in domestic violence. Education and advocacy is key to this issue.

Now The Research....
In the article Abusive Men's use of Children to control their Partners and Ex-partners, the author discussed many ways children are  put in a position where they are told to become involved in the power and control dynamic of their parent's relationship. Beeble (2007)  noted that the use of children is a strategy used  because most women are closely bonded with their children, and the abuser is aware of how loyal the mother is to her child, and also to what great lengths she would go for the child.  In this article there was a study done on women that were not currently in a domestic abuse crisis but reported having previous history  with a partner who exhibited power and control characteristics. One hundred sixty families, out of that sample 41% of the mother's assailant or attacker was the biological father to the child(ren) (Beeble, et al., 2007). This study was to measure the amount of  reported physical abuse, emotional abuse, and the use of the child in domestic crimes. The results showed  a high correlation with physical acts, but I was more interested in the information found regarding children being used to control the mother.  In this study "88% of women reported their "attacker" used their children to  control them in various ways and to varying degrees" (Beeble, et al., 2007).

Results of the Extent of the Attacker's Use of the Child

         The report from the mothers who were in domestic violence relationships.

• 70%: An effort on the father's behalf to stay in her life.
• 69%: To keep track of them.
• 58%: To harass them.
• 58%: To intimidate them.
• 47%: Children were turned against them.
• 45% Their children were used to convince the mother to take the father back.

          (Beebler, et, al., 2007)

The results of this study were slightly shocking. Based on these findings, it is evident that children are used in many ways be the abusing parent to get the other parent to do things. these children are being used in many different ways and for various purposes (Beeble, et. al, 2007). The relationship between the abuser and the child is close for the purposes of manipulating the other parent. This manipulation often occurs during custody battles and when either parent ends up in a new relationship. The problem here, as stated by Beeble (2007) is by using the children as a tool to get something from one parent or to manipulate them, can cause emotional distress for the child. The child is presented with the decision to essentially be aligned with one parent and not the other. By asking a child to do this, one is requiring that the child take on more of an authoritative role (Beebler, 2007).

This article suggested further research on  the issues that come with using a child in a relationship with domestic violence. By having more research on this, I believe that we as a society will have more information as to appropriate ways to intervene and how to educate the children and the adults involved. I also believe there need to be research done on  how to restructure the parent and child relationship after the abuser is no longer using the child against the parent being used.  I would like to know what is needed to help the abused parent  back to being able to be an authoritative figure to the child and for the child to stop demonstrating the behaviors they were taught to use on their abused parent.

Below is a video of a 911 call placed by a child that appears to be 4-5years old telling the operator to send the police to their home because the parents are fighting and the father "put red marks on [his] mommy" . Warning: This video may evoke a high emotional response from viewer.

                              Click here for Tips for Children Involved in Domestic Violence.

Beeble, M. L., Bybee, D., & Sullivan, C. M. (2007). Abusive men's use of children to control their partners and ex-partners. European Psychologist, 12(1), 54-61. doi:10.1027/1016-9040.12.1.54